I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
