hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
All the doctor said was why
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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