she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
