Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Your cock deserves a montage
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
