Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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