I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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