i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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