Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
That accounts for only three of the penises
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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