if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
