tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
this hospital has no fireball
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
