i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
