but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
