her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
