Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
