Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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