i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
