The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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