if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
