I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
