Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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