She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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