shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
