You just made me feel so damn special
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
