Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
