Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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