shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
