I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
