I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
