we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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