Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
