When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
