he wants to bone in the snuggie
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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