now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
