$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
