Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
