I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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