Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
