On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
wat bout pragnant strippers??
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
