The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
