what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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