i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
