it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
