True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
