my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
