he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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