Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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