I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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