ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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