oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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