god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
