im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
