If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
