I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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