Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
