I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
