I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
