the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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