remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
