So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Tornado booty call.. dedication
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
