i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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